mood: bored, lonely and slightly depressed
listening to:

I don't get it. How can some people just go up to others and start talking about anything? I guess I don't understand because I'm shy. I can't go up to someone and just say,"Hey isn't it a lovely day for saying its a lovely day?" or some crap like that. How can people be all friendly-like to people they hardly know? Maybe I'm just jealous that talking to other people can come so easy for some, but not me. I hate when someone you barely know is all, "Yeah, I lost my virginity back in March....." after I've only known them for a few hours. Its like, can't we talk about favorite movies and music first? I hate being so insecure and having low self-esteem. I don't believe in myself. I don't try hard. I just get by. It needs to stop, but habits are hard to kick in the butt. I've been trying for so long, but I haven't changed at all. Why don't I have confidence? How can I stop being so shy? Why can't I just get over myself and put myself out there like eveyone else???? I do have friends but not that many. I guess I'm afraid of who I trust as well. I don't want to get screwed over or be friends with anyone who doesn't give a fuck about me. Don't want that to happen again. Its taken me so long to find a few people who I think (I hope) will stick with me for awhile. Cuz most people I've befriended in the past fade away, I let them, I didn't want to get close to them for whatever reason. But I'm trying to hold on to the ones I have. Is that too desperate? I do feel close to my current friends. I'm mean I'm trying, I really am. So far, I think we're doing ok. I just want to keep these few people cuz I like hanging with them, they listen to me and seem to care about me. But damnit, I just want to find people where I know we can help each other grow. I hope I'm doing that with my current friends, I hope we can help each other. I hate being here-right now. I should be hanging out with my friends, but I can't drive. I'm so pathetic. I need to get over my nervousness and just try to past the damn test. Once I learn how to drive I can go wherever I please and hang out with my friends more and maybe meet new people. I feel like that's the first step for me. License. New job (my current one is ok, but I want to make more money and its kinda boring and I don't really do anything mindblowingly difficult). Join clubs at school. Try to study abroad or transfer (I need to get out of here so badly). But most importantly, NO MORE HALF-ASSING it through life. If I put the effort in, it'll pay off right? Throw myself into it and I'll be rewarded. I need to do this. I can do it. FUCK what everyone else thinks. I need to let me be and I need to change the way I live my life or I'll end up living with my parents till I'm 40.

I need to challenge myself, maybe that will help get my confidence up and then I can finally believe in myself. Please..............

Why can't I create any modules?? Also, I need to learn how to make a cool layout of my very own and how long does it take for my new avatar to show up? I'm sick at looking at Michael Jackson. I wonder what's going on with NuTang lots of areas of the site seem all wonky?

I have no idea how to make modules... Or my own layout. I think you have the right idea about joining clubs and going to school sponsored events to meet people.. joining clubs and teams will introduce you to people who are into the same things as you are, 'ya know? I recommend that.
» Dilated on 2007-03-31 01:09:11

Nervous...but yet....Excited
I feel you! Im shy 2!
I get nervous when Im with pplz, I got only 1 friend, and my x.
I even get nervous with family.
I get nervous and stutter when I talk to my brother...which i hate!
when we have parties I go upstairs and be on the comp, cuz I have no idea of what to talk about..and also im too shy!

But my mom recommended that I go to public speaking class, but that got me to scared in talking to pplz that I said no....but then she thought mabye that I go to a mental hospital....I went and now Im going to have a therapist and medication...which im excited about!
» Chocovani on 2007-04-15 01:15:52

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